


Dream You Wide Awake (tragic-version)

by Belsmomaus



Series: The Adventures of Hux and Ren - Kylux-Week 2016 [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending available (second chapter), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drug Abuse (mentioned), M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 08:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8791027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belsmomaus/pseuds/Belsmomaus
Summary: Ben Solo had officially hit rock bottom. His life nothing but a long list of failures.Armitage Hux wasn’t sure if his life wasn’t just a big joke. It was rather pathetic really.Escaping, that’s what they both wanted.(This is the tragic version of the story. For the one with a happy ending look at Dream You Wide Awake (happy-version).)(Kylux-Week 2016 - Day 4: AU of choice)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story is identical to the one with the happy ending, there's just an additional scene at the end.
> 
> Inspired by this amazing video made by [solohux](http://archiveofourown.org/users/solohux/pseuds/solohux):  
> [Dream You Wide Awake (AU)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jrf5S0DD6Vc)

**Dream You Wide Awake (happy version)**

_**Kylux-Week 2016** _

**Day 4: AU of choice**

Ben Solo had officially hit rock bottom.

Not enough that his whole life was nothing but one long list of failures, no, now he had to eat humble pie and he _hated_ it.

Every. Damn. Second of it!

But he wasn’t going back to his parents, not ever. After years of being too invested in their own lives, neglecting him without even noticing – and when they did they were totally unable to handle him – they’d actually been surprised as the police had carried him home one night, hopelessly drunk and high on whatever drugs he’d gotten his hands on. They’d been even more surprised to learn that he’d dropped out of High School months ago.

From then on it had only gotten worse. They’d tried to be the parents he’d needed a lifetime ago, but that he had no interest in now. Instead he’d kept to the drugs – they took him away from all of this after all – growing constantly more fed up with his parents and the stupid pressure of social norms and everything in general so that lashing out became his only way of keeping it all at a distance.

That’s when they’d given up on him. That’s when they’d forced him into rehab. Taking his only way of escape away.

He’d never hated them more.

Now he was back out again. No friends, no job, no self-confidence, no perspective. Nothing but a life of failure and a ball of constant anger deep inside his chest.

And now he’d have to life with his uncle Luke, because rehab program wouldn’t let him life alone and he wouldn’t go back home. Never! And that left him here. Just his own sorry self, Luke and Luke’s daughter Rey who was everything he wasn’t. Simply put: the model-offspring.

 

It wasn’t long after that when the dreams started.

Dreams of a universe so completely different that it was hard to grasp. A universe where he wasn’t Ben Solo – miserable, useless misfit – but Kylo Ren.

Kylo was powerful, able to use a mystical power called ‘the Force’. He was special in his talents and he was feared. No one dared to ridicule him, to humiliate him, to contradict him. This Kylo wasn’t all perfect, he was torn on the inside, just like him, and yet Kylo wasn’t weak or pathetic. He’d had this voice inside his head from early on which had guided him, like a compass. A voice that had enabled him to become more than his failures. A guidance that Ben craved and envied more than anything.

His therapist called those dreams ‘the compass he was seeking’. She said his mind was showing him that he could be anyone he wanted to be. That he could be strong and independent. That his past wasn’t determining his future.

And he liked that.

Invigorated by that – and Kylo’s fierceness – he dared something and told Luke and Rey about the dreams and their meaning. Of course they didn’t like them, didn’t _get_ them. Luke even called them a ‘bad omen’ and eyed him suspiciously from then on.

He never told them anything again.

The dreams changed after that. Showing different sides of Kylo Ren. Or one in particular.

Kylo was on a mission, needing to get information, no matter the cost. His methods were cruel, brutal, with no regard for human life. He was killing with ease, brandishing his fierce and deadly weapon with absolute precision. His interrogations were ruthless, his mind simply ripping out of their heads whatever he needed.

His therapist was shocked. She couldn’t hide it.

And if he was honest, some of it scared even himself.

She tried to get his mind away from those dreams, to focus back on how to handle his anger in a healthy way, to bolster his confidence and allow him to find his own way in life. When she gave him sleeping pills to prevent him from dreaming, he was almost glad.

They didn’t prevent his dreams, though. They only made them hazy, as if he was watching on a really old TV, the image flickering and the sound barely audible and breaking up all the time.

And that would’ve been fine if it weren’t for that new arrival to his dreams. A general by the look of his uniform, as ginger as one could be and a stoic face, never giving anything away. He was striking in his own way.

Ben needed to see more!

And when he did, he never took his pills again.

General Armitage Hux was the most fascinating man he’d ever met, real or in his dreams. He was hard to figure out, challenged him every step of the way and they fought. Whenever their paths crossed. Hux was the only one who wasn’t afraid of him, although Kylo had the upper hand with his lightsaber and the Force. It wasn’t long until their fights turned into another kind of passion. Kisses turned to thrilling sex.

Together they went on missions, for Supreme Leader Snoke. There he learned that Hux was just as ruthless as he himself, if not more so. He would kill with a blaster should the need arise, but his real deadly asset was his strategic mind. His plans cold and efficient. He had no quarrels with destroying a whole city to compel others to give him what he wanted.

He never questioned it when one day he realized that he was in love with the ginger general.

His therapist almost panicked when she found out. Telling him that he was losing himself in that dream world. That Hux was the embodiment of everything that prevented him from taking the next step towards mental health. That Hux was nothing but his mind luring him deeper into his fantasies of violence and away from reality.

Maybe she was even right. He’d stopped being frightened by the brutality displayed in his dreams.

And yet, these dreams – _Hux_ – were the only good thing in his pathetic life. Without them he would be lost.

With them he was lost, too. Cause they weren’t real and he wanted them – wanted _Hux_ – to be real so badly.

He wanted nothing more than to life in the dream, not in this cold and ugly world that had no place for a failure like him.

 

* * *

 

 

Armitage Hux wasn’t sure if his life was just a big joke or a big failure.

His father had chosen this pompous, important sounding name, no doubt having great things planned for his only son. A career as a lawyer, CEO of his own company, something like that. No doubt his father was sitting at his desk right now, cursing the heavens for sending him a weak and common boy who never achieved anything in life.

So, maybe a joke _and_ a failure…

To the world he was Armie, the nice guy from accounting. A nobody, really. The guy everyone took for granted or took advantage of. The one who always got overlooked when it came to a raise or a promotion or even praise, but the one who everyone came to when they needed something. And _he_ was the god-damn idiot who just couldn’t say no!

He hated it! Hated himself for just taking it!

He wished to be different _so_ badly. To be more resolute, to stand up for himself, to say no, to speak up and be recognized.

To have power over others like they – like that asshole of a boss – had over him.

But wishes were nothing but empty bubbles. No matter how hard you tried, they always burst whenever you touched them.

And so nothing changed. They kept on treating him like a doormat and he let them.

Each day turned into the next which was just the same as the one before. Redundant. Insignificant.

 

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore the dreams started.

Strange dreams, so unlike any others before.

Dreams of a strange universe, so much bigger than his own little world. And in these dreams he was all those things he wished he’d be: powerful, respected, even feared. _He_ gave the orders here. He was a general, someone not to be trifled with.

Even if there’d be anyone interested enough in his life to ask questions he wouldn’t have been able to find words to describe how much he loved these dreams. For they finally allowed him an escape from his bleak reality.

The only thing that was vexing him about his dreams was the constant nuisance of one Kylo Ren. A temperamental hot-head. The one thing aboard his ship – within his own little universe – that he just couldn’t control. And he’d tried. By God, he’d tried everything.

That clever yet sometimes insufferably immature man with the mask, way too powerful for his own good, was always challenging him. Every. Single. Step. Of. The. Way. Hux was convinced the guy was ticking him off on purpose.

And yet, he had to admit that Kylo Ren certainly made his dreams more interesting.

His real life started to feel like a burden. A thing he had to suffer through to reach the reward that this other life offered. Sometimes, his dreams felt far more real than his real life ever had.

His social life – never an exuberant thing to begin with – came to a full stop. No more beers with so called friends. No more chatting at the supermarket. No more desperate attempts at online-dating. It only felt stale and bland anyway, unable to compete with the exotic flavor and brilliant colors of his dreamworld.

So he plunged even deeper into it. He confronted Kylo Ren, because _General_ Hux wasn’t afraid to speak his mind.

They argued. A lot. And they fought, wielding words like swords. And he liked it. Liked it so much he sought the other’s company more and more. Fierce verbal duels led to fierce kisses – extraordinary kisses – which led to mind-blowing sex. And even though he refused to acknowledge it at first, they needed one another. _Complemented_ one another. Realizing that he loved this man was surprisingly easy after that.

From that moment on, he truly only lived for his dreams. As soon as he got home from work he went through a relentless work-out, even started running. He pushed himself harder and harder, worked himself right to the point of complete exhaustion just so he’d fall asleep as early and easily as possible. Savoring every minute he spent sleeping. And therefore dreaming.

 

* * *

 

 

Autumn slowly prepared itself to leave the stage for his successor, so it was freezing outside. Hux’ breath puffed in white clouds around him as he kept jogging along the sidewalk, all alone in the grey, foggy November twilight. He had to concentrate on his steps more than usual. Last night’s rain had soaked the countless leaves on the ground, turning them into treacherous little bastards, anxious to make you slip and break your neck. Or at least your legs.

He really wished he hadn’t forgotten his gloves. Even though he’d pulled the ends of his sleeves around his hands his fingers still felt stiff and ached from the cold. Well, he’d be home soon. Just across the bridge, past the schoolyard, down Rosenbush Street, across the Burger King parking lot and… okay, it would take at least another 20 minutes.

Looking back to check for cars he stepped onto the street, barely catching his balance as his foot slipped on mushy leaves. After a deep breath he went on, heading for the bridge. There was a deep rumble in the distance, telling of a freight train closing in. With his luck it would be here just when he was about to cross the bridge. He hated the way the rolling wheels of those behemoths sent their vibrations all the way up through the material of the bridge and right into his body.

He sped up.

That’s when he spotted the figure, standing on the small ledge on the wrong side of the railing, looking out towards the train. A figure in nothing but blue jeans and a black hoodie. No jacket, no gloves, no scarf. Only their hood was drawn up against the cold.

Ready to jump.

_Shit!_

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This would only keep him from getting back home, from falling asleep and dreaming again. And yet Hux couldn’t just do nothing. Anyway, his body had been acting already, running even faster. The loud rumble of the train drowned out the noise of his footsteps. When he was only an arm’s length away from the guy – _wow that man was tall!_ – he stopped, his chest heaving and the icy air biting into his lungs.

“Hey,” he said, unsure what else to say. He didn’t possess the eloquence of General Hux after all.

The guy startled and for a second Hux thought he’d slip, but then his hands closed tighter around the railing and his head turned, almost unwillingly, as if he didn’t want to risk the chance of being talked out of his plans.

And all of a sudden, time slowed. And everything else shut down as well.

There was just the face in front of him. That impossible face. Long and pale, dark eyes, so incredibly sad and hurt, big nose and all those lovely little moles. Some strands of raven hair escaped the hood.

Hux swallowed. Disbelieving. Stunned.

But in the end he found his voice again and the moment the word left his lips, the world around him warped back, time and space working normal again.

“Kylo?”

The look in those eyes changed. Incredulity and hope replacing the sadness and the hurt.

Hux couldn’t process it, couldn’t _understand_ what was happening here, but this man in front of him – _Kylo!_ – recognized him. Looked at him with the same expression that must be displayed on his own face.

That’s when it happened. Kylo’s whole body went slack with surprise, forgetting where he was, and his left foot slipped. Dark eyes widened, big hands grasping for anything they could reach, completely panicked.

And Hux jumped forward, not caring the least that his fingers were burning from the cold, he simply grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of – an upper arm – and held on. Held on for life.

The train rattled past beneath them.

They probably pulled some muscles and strained some joints, but it worked. Kylo wasn’t falling and the moment he realized that, he managed to push his panic far enough away to pull himself up again. Nevertheless, Hux never took his hands off of him until he was safely on the right side of the railing.

Breathing heavily they sank down onto the cold ground, leaning against the railing, their shoulders touching. They looked at each other, their bodies quivering under the onslaught of adrenaline and they started to laugh.

Crazy and maybe a bit hysterical, but it was the best feeling he’d had here in the real world since… well, since _forever_.

They calmed down eventually, still chuckling from time to time, never getting tired of looking at one another. Kylo was the first to grow serious again, his expression so insecure and vulnerable. Hux had never seen him like this in his dreams. Not to this extent.

“Hux? Is… is that really you?”

He nodded. Eagerly. Biting his lip, but grinning nonetheless.

“You’re real!”

Those words, so simple, yet they were the most profound and most beautiful words he’d ever heard. He didn’t understand. Had no idea how this was possible. How this guy from his dreams could be real. How this guy from his dreams actually knew him, as if he’d dreamed about him as well.

It wasn’t important. Nothing was. Except for Kylo!

Hux reached his hand out, stiff and red, and took the other one’s in his own. Feeling his cold skin, his freezing fingers. And it was _sooo_ real.

He nodded. “So are you. Don’t ask me how, but…”

Chapped and icy lips were on his all of a sudden. The sweetest thing he’d ever tasted. He kissed back, held on and still, it ended too soon.

He licked his lips, uncertain, only for a second, but then he remembered the ever confident general from his dreams and all his doubts dissipated.

“We’ll catch our death if we don’t get out of this cold. I live not too far away.” It was an invitation. Hope.

And the answering warm smile and eager nod were the light on his horizon.

With surprising ease Hux got to his feet and pulled the brunet up as well. He couldn’t help it, wasn’t strong enough to resist. He closed his fingers around the strings of Kylo’s hood and pulled him down for another kiss. Their cold noses bumped together. Strong arms circled around him, pulled him flush against a broad, cold chest.

They really should get going.

His flat was cozy and warm.

A light blinded him, even through his closed eyelids, and he groaned his protest at the rude interruption.

High-pitched screeching attacked his ears. Confused and instinctively alarmed he broke the kiss and looked. Part of him had already known; the sound of screeching brakes a dead give-away. And still, actually seeing the car slipping on wet leaves, hurtling their way came as a shock.

There was no time.

Hux didn’t think, he just ran. One hand grabbing for Kylo’s, pulling him along.

It was too late.

Something heavy crashed into him, swept him off his feet, carried him off. Stole his breath.

Then there was a jolt, something hard at his back. Something cracked, gave way inside of him.

He couldn’t breathe.

Too much pressure. Too much pain.

And then the barrier behind him gave way and he fell.

_Noooo!_

_This isn’t fair!!!_

But even the rage and desperation of his own mind felt distant.

The world around him blurred as his lungs failed to draw breath.

A spark.

So bright and alive and _right there_.

He looked at it, his eyes drawn as if pushed by an invisible force.

There was his hand. Inside another hand. Long, red fingers intertwined with his slender ones.

Next he knew he was staring into dark eyes. The most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

And somehow, maybe this wasn’t so bad.

They’d found each other.

They weren’t alone.

And who knew, maybe – just maybe – they could live on in their dreams now.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's yet another alternate ending in the epilogue (chapter 2).  
> It's to take the sting off of this ending, but it's not necessary to read it.
> 
> I hope you don't hate me for being this nasty to our favorite bad boys...


	2. Epilogue (alternate ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just what the title says...

Hux’ eyes shot open, his body jolting awake with more force than he was used to. And with a desperate gasp for breath. For a second he couldn’t fathom why he’d impacted on something so soft and warm. Or why he was able to breathe at all.

Fingers, intertwined with his, squeezed his hand almost on the verge of pain. And yet, the touch felt reassuring. Soothing.

He shook his head, more a trembling than an actual shaking, to get rid of the lingering images.

“I had the strangest dream.”

That statement startled him. Because it reflected his own thoughts one-on-one.

Hux turned, looked at Kylo. The brunet was lying on his back, the blanket halfway down his sweaty chest and his arm thrown across his eyes. There was a tiny twitching along the dark shadow of his cheeks. All the tiny hints together left only one explanation: Kylo was shaken.

So Hux rolled over, moving their joined hands up and in between their middles. He placed his free hand reassuringly onto Kylo’s chest and kissed his shoulder.

“It was just a dream.” The words felt strange on his tongue with the remnants of his own dream lingering on.

“It felt… different. Weird.” And then, as an afterthought. “I didn’t like the ending.”

Hux chuckled softly at the almost sulky tone at the end. “Believe me, it can’t be weirder than the stuff I’ve been dreaming. I got killed by the most ancient model of ground vehicles you could possibly imagine. It even had _wheels_!”

Before he knew what was happening the arm covering Kylo’s face was gone and grabbing his shoulder instead. Dark eyes stared at him, their intensity almost uncomfortable.

“I grabbed your hand when we were falling.”

Goosebumps popped up on his arms and cold shivers ran up and down his spine.

Seemingly harmless words and yet Hux had never heard anything creepier in all his life.


End file.
